He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they're like a gay fantastic four
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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