I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
