My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
