Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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