STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
