before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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