This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
