I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He kissed a someone with a penis
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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