Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
