Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
