Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
