never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
