She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
