whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
