So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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