i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
