if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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