I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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