I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
