Michael Bay diarrhea
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I got inside last night via doggy door
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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