I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
