it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize