I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They have beer where we have blood.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
