just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
