First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
