i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
