Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
