dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
