So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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