I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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