Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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