Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
