We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
