Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
