I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
