okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
