At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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