if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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