this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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