They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
