I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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