Small penises have feelings too.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
