I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
