Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
