Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
