Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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