I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bring me that man meat
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
