i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
why do cheetos always look like penises
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
