this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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