Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
