i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
