Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
