Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
