he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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