So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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