there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
