i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
