is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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