I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
