I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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