I just threw up on my dentist
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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