I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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