i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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