I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
