I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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