Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
