My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
