i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
