God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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