Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
