Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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