i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
