3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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