Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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