According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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