I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize