Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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