Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
