I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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