Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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