sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
