I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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