I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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