the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
